Monica Lewinsky And A Slot Machine

04.01.2021by
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Monica Lewinsky.

Elizabeth Warren (D., Mass.) dodged a question Wednesday about whether President Bill Clinton should have resigned over his affair with Monica Lewinsky, saying she didn't have a 'time machine. E) The Monica Lewinsky Patch: If combined with the Nude Patch and the Bill Clinton Patch, this patch just spells trouble. F) The Ken Starr Patch: Look out, Mr. He's got a subpoena! What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common? They were both upset when Bill finished first. What do Monica Lewinsky and a coke machine have in common? They both have a slot that says, 'Insert Bill here, face up.' What is the difference between Monica and the Panama Canal? The Panama Canal is a 'busy ditch?'

  1. What do Monica Lewinsky and a coke machine have in common? They both have a slot that says, 'Insert Bill here, face up.' What is the difference between Clinton.
  2. Monica Lewinsky recalled her historic ’90s affair with former President Bill Clinton during a speech on Monday, Oct. 20, revealing that she was once in love with him. The former White House intern, 41, kicked off her first-ever public address by bringing up her story.

“This vacuum cleaner bag will fix that face right up!”

Monica Lewinsky Today

“..Shucks! It's already got a hole in it!”

Lewinsky gets out the Primary Witnesses to her unspeakable acts. Her Teeth
Artist's impression of Billy's ideal lady
Artist's impression of Billy's happy compromise

The Monica Lewinsky is a man-sized box-shaped all-purpose input-device originally impounded in the White House by then President Bill Clinton. Essentially no different from the common-or-garden Vending Machine, the Monica Lewinsky was created simply by be-wigging the exterior and painting it white, adhering comedy wax lips to the input slot, pebble dashing the undercarriage, sewing it into a blue dress and wheeling out the final result before the world's most powerful man. He was powerless to resist.

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The Monica Lewinsky's gaping aperture has an array of functions, including:

  • Vacuum-suction; capable of rapid bi-lateral movement
  • Worry-hole
  • Slurry-hole
  • Publicity-spout
  • That's it
  • Basu from TSERIES
  • 1The Human Stain
  • 3References

An act of gargantuan barbarity was shoved under the nose of humanity on February 28, 1997; that day a trillion Clinton juniors were dashed against the carpeted stern of the Queen Monica Lewinsky, and humanity did flinch.

A brief chronology of events[edit]

12h 00m 01s: As the soon to be not a daddy's smoking gun cooled his farm-fresh-loin-fruits lay marooned somewhere upon the Lewinksy's massive exterior, where post-coital fumes would slowly choke them to death (as confirmed by a coroners report). It didn't take them long to snuff it it, roughly one instant, but that instant saw 99.99999% of all fatalities attributable to passive smoking during the entire recorded history of the world.

12h 00m 02s: And so that shoal of young souls was whisked to the outer lip of Hell (limbo), where they will wriggle towards the beatific vision, for eternity and in vain, thwarted by demons pinching their conveniently plumpish noses.

12h 00m 03s: It's been rubber stamped by the Vatican; a trillion pre-foetuses have been sent to Hell after one careless act. Any way you look at it Bill Clinton and the Monica Lewinsky have knowingly colluded in the greatest atrocity (Great-Grand-Gross-Mega-Infanticide) our post-nuclear civilisation could ever have dreamt of being a party to. Thankfully this is an abomination of unrepeatable magnitude..

12h 00m 04s: ..No. Wait! Nine year old Randolph Foldpen of Stockbroker Belt Surrey, England just had a rude dream, and the evidence strewn across his bedsheets strongly suggests he is the new greatest mass murderer of all time!

Monica Lewinsky, as Bill Clinton, drunk on power and Woodford Reserve, saw her in his mind's eye

12h 00m 05s: Vatican City can confirm a mega-trillion little Foldpen's arrived just this moment on Hell's outer limits.

12h 00m 06s: Yup. Pope John Paul just screamed 'He will be tortured for his crimes, in this life and the next!'[1]

Lewinsky

The Monica Lewinsky's fleeting stardom was cut short as the infamy surrounding her unravelled, and the public turned to alternative atrocities for encouragement. So she slid back into being just another man-sized box-shaped all-purpose input-device. She often expounds upon how her life has lost meaning now nobody is willing to impound her.

Bill Clinton continues to rattle around in the 'insult to matrimony' he and his life partner call their 'husk'. Last week he celebrated the third bithday of his daughter's face.

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Sadly Monica Lewinsky was viscously torn apart by 14 rabid racoons outside Linda Tripp's apartment builing ,after Monica brutally beat Linda to death, putting her into a vegitative state. She is currently resting at Whoopi Goldberg's house.

Monica Lewinsky Son

  1. The Catholic Church

Monica Lewinsky And A Slot Machines

See also[edit]

Monica Lewinsky And A Slot Machine Jackpots

Retrieved from 'https://uncyclopedia.ca/w/index.php?title=Monica_Lewinsky&oldid=6055950'

Monica Lewinsky

Ulta Palta

This has got to be one of the cleverest emails I've received in a while..
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.

(Wait till you see the last one)!

DILIP VENGSARKAR When you rearrange the letters: SPARKLING DRIVE



PRINCESS DIANA When you rearrange the letters:END IS A CAR SPIN


MONICA LEWINSKY When you rearrange the letters: NICE SILKY WOMAN


ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE


GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME


ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


MOTHER-IN-LAW:When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
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